congested

congested with stress, fear, doubt...and mucous, in my head, can't even hear out of one ear, like I was onboard a plane, flying from Chicago to New York...nothing is clearing me up, took another Sudafed. did not know that ephedrine is used to treat asthma over the counter. can't focus. have to write more for a paper. need to GET ON IT. might have to leave the house to do more, it's hard. it's not the last minute, not yet. I could stay up all night if i wanted to, but I don't want to. that would be uncomfortable. I just need to write, write out the bones and dust and debris. and then clean it all up later! and maybe shut off the internet connection as well

The poor

I shuffled around in my seat a bit as the guest speaker began.
-Habits of the poor began in personality, as characteristics that have been socialized from peers or parents.

-One who has a habit of putting off what he could do today until tomorrow may be one who is poor.

-Avoidance of bothers, even the most incessant, rather than seeking a solution or starting with action can be a sign as well. Let me give you an example. A friend of yours, someone whom you associate with often has a chronic cough and hacks up mucous on a regular basis. He smokes or has asthma, has something that makes it more complicated for him, and it bothers you until you tell him that you're concerned for his health. He acknowledges your concern sincerely, and you politely ask him why he won't see a doctor for this problem. If the first thing out of his mouth is an excuse, in spite of a problem he'd plainly love to be without, it is a symptom of a poor personality. If the man has no answer or does not know, he needs help.

awkward

i bailed on a date so my friend invited me to have dinner at his mom's house (gay i know) and I was on the fence because it was uncertain if his father was going to be there (who is apparently crazy and verbally abusive and talks shit about me even though he's never met me)

and we hear that he wasn't going so i decide that i'm down

and i'm making small-talk with his hilarious Mexican mother ignoring these little kids who want to play tennis or some shit and all of a sudden the door bursts open and a mountain of a man appears

im courteous and shake his hand even though he is terrifying and continue talking to Meximom who's making some enchiladas. while i hear scarydad yelling at my friend outside about "lying" even though it's about menial text message semantics so I pretend not to hear and i just keep talking to her

then she makes me a plate and i leave it on the counter. scarydad gets a plate, i stand around awkwardly and he sits at a table inside. he's the only one at the table and i vow not to sit next to him alone because i have no idea what the fuck to say. i could see my friend outside on the phone, probably trying to forget the conversation he just had with his dad.

little kids running around tell me to sit outside and i accept the offer because i had a reason not to sit next to scarydad as he scarfs down his enchiladas. i sit outside alone talking to the little kids and start eating and they're of course wonderful. but it wasn't about the food now was it? scarydad and my friend end up at the table with another younger brother. i make forced smalltalk with scarydad about some jetskis he says he's gonna buy and ends up making an example out of my friend.